The election for Florida's next governor is still months away, but it's not too early to do some Feral analysis of the current crop of candidates!If you don't live in Florida, you may think that this upcoming election has nothing to do with you. Think again. Whatever your opinion of the Sunshine State happens to be, Florida matters in the big political scheme of things, both in the U.S. and worldwide. Think back to the glory days of 2000 and the Florida chad debacle. Who happened to be governor back then? Why, George W.'s brother Jeb of course. Thanks to good ol' Jeb and his cronies, the state was handed to George, landing him directly into the White House. That, in turn, leads to such wonderful things like the Patriot Act, the War on Terror, Iraq, and so many other bright sunshiny things the world is dealing with on a daily basis today. Thanks Florida!Jeb BushThank gawd there's such a thing as "term limits". Of course, we'll always remember Jeb as the main guy who helped his brother steal the presidential election and gave us the visions of Armageddon we hold so dear today. But let's not forget his other enlightened progressive moves leading us boldly into the future. Things like repealing the car emissions test requirement that helped the environment and curbed pollution. Or how about removing the law to wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle? Classy! And let's not forget other things like religious school vouchers paid for with public tax money, or the multitude of laws enabling business and corporations exploit the state and it's people with as little interference as possible. You can move to sunny Florida and get paid a fraction for what you were paid doing exactly the same job in a lot of other states. Why, it's like having a lite version of Mexico or Bangladesh sweatshops right in the good ol' U.S. of A.! Quite a legacy you'll leave, Jeb.Charlie CristYou can see it in his eyes: Charlie wants to be governer really, really, really bad! He wants it so bad, he's already raised a ton of cash from corporate coffers to inundate our TV screens with political ads months ahead of time to show us what a good guy he is. If you just didn't get enough of Jeb the first couple of times around, Charlie is your man if you want to be force fed even more Bush for years to come. He prides himself in being a Bush clone, and even proclaims his undying love for Bush in his TV ads. He thinks South Dakota is da bomb on abortions, and wants to make S.D. type laws making it practically impossible to get an abortion in Florida too. He's big-time pro-business, and "family values" to which you MUST conform. He's your typical slick neocon in a nutshell.Tom GallagherOn the other hand, maybe guys like Jeb and Charlie are a little too bleeding heart liberal commie for your tastes. Then you want Adolf Hitl-- er, Tom Gallagher on your side.He'll support your god-given right to be a homophobic, foaming-at-the-mouth bible thumping fascist bigot waiving your AK-47 and other weapons of conventional warfare around your mobile-home lot to protect your priceless 1973 TV Guide collection from the bogeyman. One of the first issues in his TV ads is to point out how he rabidly opposes gay marriage and other dire threats to Western Civilization. Yes, such issues are just as vitally important to my everyday life as figuring out how to pay for a roof over my head and food on the table. Sieg heil y'all!Jim DavisNo, he's not the guy who draws those lame-ass Garfield cartoons. He hasn't been squeezing our corporate overlords of zillions of dollars in donations like the republicans, so he doesn't quite have the name-recognition (like Crist or Gallagher) for those who get most of their information of the world around them through their television set (which, in the end, is the only thing that really matters anymore). He does seem to be a good alternative to the other candidates, and definitely an improvement over Jeb--supporting things like using the state's budget surplus to fund schools and health care instead of private business profits and tax cuts for multi-millionaires. As things stand right now, though, he's another anonymous opposition democrat who's offering little effective resistance to the republican media machine. He's got to overcome his current anonymity and get his face more in the public view to have a snowball's chance in hell of winning though.Another thing he needs to do is be a real democrat. Don't pander to the republican value system. Support things that matter to normal people. Support worker's rights, living wages, get the U.S. out of imperialist conquest mode around the world, assert a person's right (not privilege) to healthcare like other civilized countries, help people live a bearable life with decent housing and food, be responsive to pollution and environmental needs, etc. Screw what the republicans think, they're full of shit. Why is that so hard for big name democrats to understand?Don't get me wrong; I certainly don't think that the democratic party is the way to political nirvana. I'm actually registered independent. But they're a helluva lot better than the tripe republicans have been force feeding us in the last 12 years, and particularly since King George has taken reign.Rod Smith Um, Rod who???
Atlee Yarrow Why, you might ask, am I including some schmo from a political party that has 8 members? Well, as things stand right now, he's got about as fair shot winning as Davis or any other "challenger" to the right wing naz---ummmm, republicans, yeah- that's the ticket...Besides, the party platform includes such unamerican heresies like focusing on everyday people rather than huge corporate profits, greatly improving the social safety net, progressive income tax, among other great threats to our personal liberties. This all sounds great to me. The problem is that this is the platform of the Socialist Party, and they insist on keeping the tag "socialist" in their name. As everybody knows, all socialists are evil corrupt dictators. I'll be damned if I let another Stalin set up gulags in Miami Beach! Guantanamo is as close as I want to get to that, thank you very much! Thanks to decades of cold war propaganda, that's the first thing that comes to many minds of Americans when they hear the word socialist. And unfortunately, there is no way that scarlet letter will fade anytime in the near future from the American psyche. So step number one is for that party to come up with a name more palatable in the U.S.Step number two: I don't understand why third parties always go for the gusto in elections they have no chance in hell of winning, such as presidential elections or campaigns for state governor. They always waste a huge amount of their time and relatively meager resources chasing such windmills, no matter how pristine and persuasive their platform is. They rarely even get significant name recognition for their party. Besides, even if they did get a miraculous win in high office, it will surely go down in a blaze in quick order. For example, imagine for a moment that we live in a parallel universe, and all the planets and stars aligned perfectly, and Ralph Nader actually takes the White House. You think Bill Clinton got a bum rap when he was president? Imagine Ralph facing an even more hostile Senate with no other Green allies to work with. It would be an unmitigated disaster from the get-go.The right wing who wants to make abortion illegal and force feed the kids creation stories at school (and the Green Party more recently) realized that the way to go is from the bottom up, not the other way around. Start locally, and infiltrate less glamorous offices like the local school board or city council. With their foot in the door, they then can slowly work their way up to more powerful positions. The instant gratification of seizing the presidency or governorship is lost, but they never had a chance anyways. All third parties need to leave high office as a long term goal and focus exclusively at the local level and then work their way up. It's the only realistic strategy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~So, all things considered after all this in-depth analysis and research, there is only one conclusion to be reached this election year...
Feral's Official Endorsement
Bobo the BaboonFlorida needs instant name recognition beyond Disneyworld and hanging chads. Bobo gets things done. You can tell by the stiff-jawed stare of Bobo that he takes no bull, from corporations, state senators---nobody. Minnesota, you think you're tough with your Jesse "The Body" Ventura? California's "terminator" governor Ahnuld? Ha! Bobo will literally rip both of your pansy girly-men to shreds in minutes! Florida needs a non-homo sapien like Bobo right now.Remember this in November: Bobo-the only way to go!